Being with him, for, numerically what could be seen as a brief time, taught me how to love myself, and others, unconditionally. He was the catalyst, and after our time together came the realization that I had been going about love (of myself and others) all wrong. Before him, there were always conditions attached to how I loved.
I love you until you do something to really piss me off. I love you but…
I love me but, urrgh I wish my arms were thinner! I love me, nice to meet you my name is Cynthia (my name is actually Bamoni but growing up I struggled to embrace my culture). I love me, but i can’t wear my natural hair to work. I love me, but no I can’t show them my vulnerable side. I love me, but i wonder what they will think of me. I love me, but i hope they accept me.
I love her, but she betrayed me I’m done with her–cut off! I love him, but he really hurt me — delete all our pics.
Unconditional love requires one to be non-judgmental or condemning. Loving without conditions or limitations because, let’s be honest, everybody has flaws and makes mistakes.
When I was with him I accepted everything about him. Flaws and everything, such a good way to develop your patience. Lol! After him, I accepted everything about myself, flaws and everything. He never asked me to accept him, it was an organic, immediate, response to meeting him. After him, I thought, how could I not offer this kind of love to myself and others? So I did. Once I learned how to love I also learned to forgive –I’ve been known to hold a mean grudge. Lol!
All jokes aside, I truly believe love and forgiveness go hand in hand. How can you love if you can’t forgive with ease, and vice versa? It’s so important to be able to stop feeling angry towards someone because of an offence, flaw, or mistake and let go of anger, blame and resentment. Who knows, maybe you even return to friendly relations.
Forgiveness does take varying time for everyone; but, you have to actively work on forgiving. You don’t just wake up one day having forgiven you need to do things like reflect, meditate, pray, write, acknowledge the emotions (*they are fleeting*). Reflection and meditation are especially important; because, when we are at odds with someone, often times we are projecting our inadequacies onto them. This is the perfect opportunity to learn more about yourself.
So when it’s all said and done, don’t ever let love stray especially in times of adversity. Always opt to feel compassion, rather than pain and rage. Yes, easier said than done but just try.
I forgive you and I love you unconditionally.
P.S. Let me know of any other things you do that helps you exercise forgiveness.