I’m trying so hard. I want to be strong for you, and especially for myself. I want to detach, I don’t want to miss you or want you. I’m trying really hard to understand you and everything I need to understand and as much clarity as I’m getting is as much sorrow as it brings me, sometimes.
I didn’t realize that just love was naive. I thought that was all it was about between two people, aside from compatibility. With you I don’t understand. How could it be that, and what, I felt with you, and even away from you, is fleeting? I don’t know how to be your friend.
I feel like I have to think so much before being able to speak to you. I still have fear of judgement from you or the feeling that I’m not elevated enough. No one has ever made me feel like this. Why can’t you…
What do I even want? Do I want you or the idea of you?
My spirit smiles so much with him.
I can’t even talk to you!
I know you can feel me. I know you can feel this.
Sorry i couldn’t be strong enough, yet.